Birds Do It, Bees Do It…

The whimsical lyrics “Birds Do it, Bees do it” of  “Let’s Do It”  by Cole Porter are so evocative of Spring with bees buzzing around flour blossoms.   Bunnies come out of their burrows and song birds sing from their tree tops bring a spirit of hopefulness.  It is in this jubilant season that we celebrate our mothers on Mother’s Day just a week or so away.  For me Mother’s Day has always been about celebrating my Mom since I’d decided not to have kids.  For many of my friends who have had children, this is their day!  For others, their mother’s have passed away and still others are longing to be mothers or fathers.

Some of my favorite Mother’s Day celebrations more recently were planting color bowls of flowers for Mom with my sister. More often than not Mom receives a card, flowers or a phone call.  I do believe that what has meant the most to Mom has been simply hearing from all of her children.  One of our most memorable celebrations was meeting Mom in Yosemite National Park to take in the dogwood trees in bloom and witness the waterfalls in their full glory with all of the winter snow melt.  We’ve rarely given ourselves permission to go away and do something fun together, let alone experience something so special together. 

Although my own relationship with my Mom hasn't always been easy, I am regularly reminded by friends who have lost their mothers, just how lucky I am to still have my Mom. Although she’s been in failing health for over 20 years, the past couple years it has been touch and go with Mom being in the critical care unit many times and more particularly, earlier this year.  God has answered my prayers that the hurts of the past would be healed so that whatever might happen in the future, I will be at peace. 

Some will say that those of us who are not biological mothers are still mothers to the children of our friends and family members.  To some extent this is true; however, the sacrifice that is required to truly be a mother is so large, that I feel it is unfair to compare.  In my case, I chose not to have kids.  However, some individuals have not had the opportunity to have children and today is particularly difficult as they witness so many mothers being celebrated for something they cannot have.  The scriptures are full of women struggling with that same struggle and I encourage anyone who is wrestling with this heart ache to read the stories of Hannah, Rebekah and Sarah for encouragement.   Even though these stories do end in the conception of children, that clearly isn’t everyone’s story.  However, I was recently blessed to pray for a lovely friend who hadn’t been able to conceive, then become pregnant and just gave birth to her newborn baby boy this week. 

Then there are mothers who have lost a child and although the have been able to find a way past that grief on most days, this one day when Mother's are celebrated is particularly hard.

I chose not to become a mother for several reasons.  I had seen the challenges my Mom faced being a single Mom.  I knew first hand what it was like to raise a child; it wasn’t a fairytale.  There was also the risk that one of my children might have the same severe mental illness that my brother had.  I’d seen first hand how that had impacted his life, my Mom’s life, really all of our lives.

I was 9 years old when I learned my Mom was pregnant with my little sister.   Mom had recently left my father, moved us out of the remote ranch where he worked into a small cabin sized house in the small town of Yerington, Nevada.  My soon to be step-sister and older sister laughed at me when I asked how Mom had become pregnant.  I’d been the youngest of the four children Mom had had with my Father.

Mom remarried to before my little sister was born. We blended my Step-Father’s family with ours and moved into a bigger house situated on Main Street.  I recall the anticipation and excitement leading up to my little sister’s birth.  My step-sister excitedly made a baby outfit from scraps in Mom’s box of fabric remnants. My older sister and step-sister argued over who would be able to care for my little sister after she arrived; who would be allowed to change her diaper or feed her her bottle.  

A crib was setup in the living room beside the hide-a-bed couch where my Mom and Step-Father slept.  I slept in an enclosed porch.  My two brothers and step-brother had the larger room.  My sister and step-sister had the smaller bedroom near the living room.  We lived next to a church but never attended it.

We lived like this for roughly two years before my Mom left my Step-Father and moved us back to California near my Grandmother.   It was then that I became responsible for caring for my little sister while Mom worked until Mom could sort something else out.   I was roughly 12 then.  Grandma had arranged for us to move in with my Uncle in his old farmhouse.  When school started, I would take care of my little sister until Mom came home. 

Irregardless of your personal situation this Mother’s Day, I pray that you will find a means of embracing and being at peace with your circumstances.  If you are a mother feeling unacknowledged, know that our Father in heaven, who sees all things sees all that you are doing, loves and appreciates you.  If you are blessed to have someone in your life who is like a mother to you, I encourage you to reach out and thank them for their love.