Love Never Fails

A few weeks ago, I unexpectedly found myself in the Chico area just in time to enjoy the almond blossoms blooming.  Having grown up in the small town of Durham, California, which is surrounded by almond orchards they have always been a favorite of mine.

Shortly after returning home from the workday in Bonny Doon, I received a message from my sister letting me know my Mom was in the ICU with sepsis and C.Diff.  My sister, who usually helps Mom with medical issues lives several states away.  Since I lived closer, we agreed that it would help if I drove to Chico to advocate for Mom.   It was only a month ago that Mom had been in the hospital with six bleeding ulcers. She'd been released to her home with Home Care; however despite that extra help at home, she'd fallen several times and needed to go to the ER.  It simply wasn't working for Mom to recover at home.  Upon Mom's recover, my sister's marching orders to me was to make sure Mom was released to skilled nursing care.  Mom received exceptional care in the ICU and was improving daily; however I was stunned to learn that the hospital was recommending she return back to her home once released.   I reminded them that they'd released her to her home a month ago only to have her here back in the hospital after three trips to the ER.  Clearly, recovery at home with Home Care wasn't enough.  Each day, I would sit by Mom's bedside simply not wanting to miss talking to the case worker should they come by the room.   One day, I'd be assured that the hospital would assign a social work to Mom only to arrive the next day to have her moved to another room with a whole new set of caregivers.  None of who had any idea of the promises made by the previous crew.  The new case managers once again planning to discharge Mom back home to recuperate on her own.

How is an elderly weak senior citizen to be expected to care for the symptoms of C.Diff on her own?  Not to mention the fact that the partner she lives with has just returned home from open heart surgery.  How could they expect him to care for her physical needs?  Trying to advocate for my Mom's care felt like pounding my head against the wall.

All of this was made more difficult by the fact that Mom had had a great setup living near my sister in Colorado where my niece who is a nurse helped supervise her care.  My sister and I had gone to great measure to help Mom move out to Colorado almost ten years ago.  In Colorado she was near all her grandchildren.  If only she'd stayed there instead of moving back to California to live with her boyfriend.

I'd been helping Mom with various things every since my brother attempted suicide in the late 90s.  Dave and I helped clean out my brother's apartment then.  Mom and I both got involved with NAMI.  We were close then.  Things changed when we learned my Grandmother had a year to live.  My Grandmother put me on her trust with my Mom to help with her estate when she passed.  Dave and I helped my Mom move from Placerville into Grandmother's place so that Mom could care for her.  I drove up every chance I could to spend time with Grandma.   I helped Mom sort out the trust and buy Grandma's house from her brothers and sisters.  I did everything I could to help Mom be happy, but happiness seemed to elude her.  It wasn't until she became friends with her neighbor that she seemed to be a bit happier.  She had a difficult time living with her chronic pain, often choosing to use alcohol to numb the pain.  She felt she couldn't be happy living in Grandma's house, so Dave and I agreed to buy her a house in Colorado, we drove to Colorado to look for houses, but she ended up refusing the offer.  I was beside myself not knowing what to do.  The women in my Bible Study encouraged me that God loved Mom as much as I did and that I couldn't make Mom happy; I needed to "give my Mom to God".  I stepped back from trying to have Mom take better care for herself and be happy.   

I took Mom out to Colorado to visit family and encouraged her to look at senior apartments since she still wanted to sell Grandma's house.  "Out of the blue", my sister discovered a charming rental Mom could affordably rent.  Dave agreed to rent it for Mom on a four month trial basis to see if she wanted to move to Colorado.  After a few months, she decided she wanted to move and my sister and I began working on the process of selling the house and moving Mom out to Colorado.

I was really hurt when Mom decided to move back to California after all we'd done to help her move to Colorado. It was clear to all of us that Mom wasn't going to have the support system or care in California that she had in Colorado.  I was living in Santa Cruz over five ours away.   It was impractical for me to care for her.

I was having a hard time mustering a positive attitude as I was back in Chico responding to a 2nd life threatening situation with my Mom in two months.  All of this largely as a result of the fact that her boyfriend, now fiancee, who is incapable of caring for her, had moved her to California.

I had come to Mom's rescue over and over again over the past 25-30 years.  I'd been a "good kid"; she hadn't needed to come to my rescue.   She'd been hands off as I applied and attended college.   I was tired of having to always be there; and wasn't feeling loved by her in the process.

It took me four days of Bible reading, devotionals and studies before I found peace.   I began bing watching the videos from Chip Ingram's teaching series Overcoming Emotions That Destroy.  Peace finally came to me when I was swimming.  I saw the picture of how God pursues us and how we continue to do our own thing.  That was the picture of my self and my Mom.  I needed to continue loving Mom irregardless of her decisions because God never stopes loving me.